LOOKING after a family member, partner or friend is something that will probably happen to most people at some stage in their life, yet it still remains a lonely job.

Sally Lawson, 71, who lives in Hill View, Dorking, became her husband Donald's full-time carer in 2001 after he suffered a massive stroke which left him paralysed down his right side.

At the time the pair had just bought a cottage in West Sussex and had plans to spend their retirement years together travelling the country.

But their plans were shattered when Mr Lawson, now 75, suffered a stroke whilst travelling to his father-in-law's funeral.

Mrs Lawson said: "We had several weeks when we didn't know if Don was going to survive, which was quite a nervous and anxious time.

"As a family we had to discuss the possibility of not resuscitating him if it came to it.

"It was very hard for them to make a decision like that about one of their parents, especially as he was always such a hands-on dad."

Mr Lawson spent four months at East Surrey Hospital before being transferred to St Richard's Hospital in Chichester for another four months.

Speaking about becoming a carer, Mrs Lawson, who has been married for 53 years, said: "It's something you do when you are married – you take a vow in sickness and in health. My whole life was turned upside down."

Last year her husband had another stroke which left him unable to control his bodily functions.

She said: "It's like having a baby, but a big one. You are on call 24/7. It's very difficult and lonely because you've got no-one to talk to. I bottle everything up because I don't want to worry our children too much."

Mrs Lawson said she now pays a contribution for two care workers who make daily visits to get her husband washed and dressed.

She added: "The support out there is not that great. What you really need is someone acting as an advocate for you. There needs to be cooperation between all the organisations such as the NHS, social services and voluntary groups. You don't know how many times I've hit a brick wall with getting help."

Anyone in need of help or advice should e-mail the Mole Valley Carers Support team in the Medwyn Centre, Dorking at carer_support@btconnect.com or call 01306 640020.